Big Ben Barbequed

If you’re a casual sports fan, you’ve probably heard about the Ben Roethlisberger sexual assault case that came up last week. Since the story broke, the entire world has wanted his head. Stephen A. Smith was interviewed Tuesday on ESPN Radio’s The Herd with Colin Cowherd. Both men cited that even if he’s acquitted, he should be suspended. Let me repeat: even if he's ACQUITTED, meaning all these charges are fabricated. Although this situation has brought immense negativity to the Pittsburgh Steelers and therefore the NFL, should we be so fast to crucify the man? Now if he’s convicted, heck, even if he settles out of court I will be the first to stand up and demand punishment. But for right now stop your agenda, think rationally, and take a look at the FACTS that we have right now. As of right now, the only thing that he can be blamed for is bad judgment, and even that could be debatable. Well, looking at the “Drink Like a Champion” picture with the 2009 case accuser Andrea McNulty, maybe bad judgment is a slam dunk charge. Classy Ben, simply classy.

Speaking of the judiciary debacle of last summer, could this current outcry be influenced by the charges brought up against him last year? Once again, going back to the facts, there is no reason this should have any pull. It was just some nut-job looking for a payday. Ben was acquitted of all charges. So now, to the current facts. Here’s what we know. Roethlisberger celebrated his 28th birthday in the middle of nowhere, also known as Milledgeville, Georgia. He then went to an Atlanta area night club. At said night club, he then met a young woman. Later the woman went to a local hospital to treat some injuries (including a head injury) and stated she had been sexually assaulted by Roethlisberger. So far, those are the only FACTS that we have. Everything else is hearsay. No debate. End of story. At this point, for all we know this could be another wacko trying to get some buyout from a loaded professional athlete. There are something about this story that do seem a little different from the 2009 incident, but still, at this moment it’s all gossip. There has been nothing done or said yet that force the media to condemn the guy.

Amid the new TMZ world of celebrity idolization and constant surveillance, apparently no one is safe. At one point in our history, sexual assault meant rape and only rape by intercourse. As our society progressed, so did our legislation concerning sexual assault, and now the term describes a number of actions ranging from an ill-advised inappropriate touch to full-fledged felony. The unfortunate mental remnant is that “sexual assault,” is actually translated by the public as “rape.” Yes, any action associated with “sexual assault” is wrong, but there is a big difference between a stupid drunk dude slapping a girl on the butt in a bar and a predator raping someone in an alleyway. Unfortunately in our legal system, the term “sexual assault” applies to both. At this point, Roethlisberger has admitted that there was sexual contact, but no intercourse ever took place according to an article by CBS News. Other details are emerging that are pushing the situation in Roethlisberger’s favor. Apparently two off-duty police officers were with him the entire evening and “didn’t see ANYTHING inappropriate” according to the Associated Press. To be fair, these are also both unconfirmed reports, but given the circumstances and other statements made thus far, I’m already starting to lean Big Ben’s way.

I’m not saying he’s innocent, I’m just not saying he’s guilty. With seemingly dozens of cases where celebrities and people of power have worked our judicial system through big bucks and slick lawyers, it’s easy to be skeptical and go looking for blood. But let’s wait to bring out the torches and pitchforks until we’ve got something to go on. Until then, we just look like a bunch of misinformed quacks. Also, it discredits the times when the court of public opinion may truly be in the right. OJ anyone?

Lakers Rebound from an 0-3 Road Trip

Yeah, that’s right, LA is back in the win column. Real impressive. A Kobe Bryant buzzer-beating home win against a barely over .500 middle-of-the-pack Eastern Conference mediocrity, the Toronto Raptors. The Raptors are now 32-30 in the much, much weaker East, visiting arguably the most talented team in the NBA at arguably one of the most difficult places to win in the NBA. This game should have been a 15+ point Laker victory. Yes, I understand Kobe’s Boys see the best game from everyone every night, but this was supposed to be a “statement game” after such the enduring worst Laker losing streak in over 2 years. LA is going to get everyone’s best game all the way through the playoffs, so they need to get used to it. Like I’ve said before, I’m not too concerned about the regular season, it doesn’t mean much. But I’m starting to get concerned about the playoffs.

With the talent in place and the team in position, there’s only one thing stopping the Lakers from closing out a repeat: attitude. They need more of it. We’ve all seen glimpses of it. The aggressive game against Denver last week and even going back Derek Fisher’s obliteration of Luis Scola (aka: The Neanderthal) in last year’s playoffs. The most obvious place where this will be seen is in a more consistent defense, and Kobe knows it. USA Today’s game recap article covers Kobe’s post-game press conference comments on his final shot and the overall game. "They didn't come early at me and I got the shot off. That's part of my responsibility, to close teams out. Our defense tonight was garbage. We have to focus on execution." Amen brother. Simply put, Bynum needs to get big, Gasol needs to get bloody, and if there’s a ball on the floor or in the air, there’d better be five men in purple and gold saying “that ball’s mine.”

As far as getting to the Finals is concerned, I still think it’d take a disaster of epic proportions (or a miracle, depending on you point of view) to keep the Lakers from getting there, even though their lead in the West is now only down to 3 over the Dallas Mavericks. Last year I predicted that that it would be a Laker/Celtic final. I think it’s pretty apparent that that’s not going to happen. Boston is on their last leg with these current players. Unfortunately, 36 is like 90 in NBA years, and there’s no way the green machine has enough gas left to make a final push, even if they’re playing possum now. It’ll be Cleveland, Orlando, or even possibly Atlanta (but they’re a bit of a long-shot) to face the champs, and now any final series would look like a 6-7 gamer. It’s going to be a great June. In order to defend the Championship and try and get Coach Phil Jackson’s fourth three-peat, the Lakers need to put all of their instruments together and get comfortable playing them.

The Lakers have got to get hungry like they were last year after being embarrassed by Boston in game 6 in the 2008 Finals. It’s impossible to try and recreate the intensity from last year. Not just because they looked like they would’ve run through a brick wall to get the ring, but because it’s impossible to try and regenerate something that happened naturally before. It’s not real. They have to find something new to get mad at, and start playing like they aren’t just going to sit on their rings with contentment. They don’t necessarily need to have it all figured out by tomorrow, but time is running out to flip the switch and the playoffs won’t wait.

Water Cooler Fodder

Well, last night I spent a valuable portion of my evening making sure I got my portion of reality T.V. If you have a wife, girlfriend, or any female friends at the office, or even if you just know a female, you know that Molly and Jason just got married in front of probably around 10 million people on ABC’s The Bachelor. I’ve actually been blessed by the Lord, because my wife is not into that sort of stuff at all. Weddings, yes. Happily ever after, yes. Drama, absolutely. Romance, of course. Just not all of those things rolled into one and fabricated for the idiot masses who honestly believe that everything is “real.” Trust me, I know. I’ve just gotten out of a reality show, not everything is “real.” The only real reason my wife was watching this sort of thing was because “everyone at the bank will be watching and I won’t have anything to talk about.” This got me thinking. As you may be now aware, I’m pretty critical of the whole “Reality T.V.” genre, should I be equally critical of my own interests?

After asking a question at the end of a paragraph, I’ll irk my 12th grade AP Lit teacher once again by asking another at the beginning of the next, why do you think the March Madness NCAA Basketball Tournament is such a big deal? Could it be that we all love college basketball so much that we just can’t get enough of it as a nation? No, it can’t be that, because college basketball’s regular season ratings are near-atrocious, and the March Madness ratings rival the biggest events in sports, like the Super Bowl and the BCS National Championship. And it’s certainly not because people love to watch the “true” form of the sport as opposed to the false basketball played by the NBA. That’s ridiculous, NBA basketball is much more entertaining and you know it (shows itself in the ratings by the way).

If we’re honest with ourselves, there are two reasons the nation turns out to watch March Madness: Gambling and something I’ll call “Office Relevancy.” Gambling is pretty obvious, tons of people gamble on this tournament whether it’s legal or not, and if you don’t think so you’re lying to yourself. According to a report by ESPN, “Nationwide, the estimate for illegal betting is as high as $380 billion, according to the most recent congressional study.” The only other event that rivals March Madness for amount wagered is the Super Bowl. Let’s move onto the second item on the agenda. “Office Relevancy” would essentially be the same reason my wife watched The Bachelor. You’ve got to have something to talk about at the water cooler.

How many people in your office/circle of friends fill out a March Madness bracket? The secretary in my office who’d never even seen a game of college basketball filled one out last year. If we’re honest with ourselves sports fans, this is the real reason why March Madness is so popular. Let me clarify that I’m probably preaching to the choir. To us real fans, March Madness is beautiful because it’s the closest thing to pure competition as we can get. On any given day, any given team can beat any given powerhouse. It truly is awe-inspiring on its elemental level and I love every minute. But to the average American, they could truly care less who wins the Siena-Villanova game in the first round. They just want to be able to talk about it tomorrow with the guy who parks by the coffee pot everyday who thinks he knows everything about sports. It’s one of the few times every year where it’s acceptable to say to just about anyone, “did you see the game last night?” So I sit here and sigh at the overlooked beauty of this marvelous month of hoop poetry, and accept that I like talking to that pompous guy by the coffee pot too. Mostly because that’s usually me anyways.

In conclusion, if you’d like to join my bracket, I’m setting one up. Let’s see who can take me on. I’ll admit I’m not great at filling out brackets. So don't get too excited about knocking off some giant. I tend to over analyze things. But I’m usually in the top 2 or 3 of 15-20 deep brackets. Although I did win last year. So come out and beat me and I’ll give you an inter-web pat on the back. By the way, the receptionist who’d never seen a basketball game almost took home the trophy last year. So don’t tell me it’s all about skill, because it’s not. Most of it is just about having a bunch of dern luck. Look to later posts about joining my bracket.

Help Me Ron-Ron! Help, Help Me Ron-Ron!

Help me Ron-Ron Yea! Get Ariza out of my heart! Last year at the end of the NBA Season I said that if you can only keep one Laker, Lamar Odom or Trevor Ariza, you’ve got to keep Ariza. Boy was I wrong. In the beginning, I wasn’t really a fan of the Ariza-Ron Artest trade. I felt it was kind of a wash defensively (with a slight advantage to Artest), but that Ariza had a youthful fire that this sometimes lackadaisical LA Laker team needed. Boy was I wrong. I still think Trevor is a great asset (and a lot of Houston Rocket fans now agree with me), but recently Ron-Ron has really started to find his groove here in the Entertainment Capitol of the World: Defensive Monster.

In the last 4 games, Artest has proven that he’s worth every penny he earns. He recently dropped 10 pounds, not fat mind you, just weight. The dude is cut (as we saw recently on Jimmy Kimmel. Got to know him pretty well in his underwear). He dropped the weight to be just a little quicker, and boy has it paid off. His defensive intensity really started shining last week with the 76ers, but it was his performance against Carmello Anthony and the Denver Nuggets that really made heads turn. Artest had a sickening 6 steals and 8 forced turnovers from Anthony, holding him to only 21 points and 1 assist. Ron-Ron spent the evening constantly disrupting Mello with tenaciously aggressive 1-on-1 play. If he was any more up on Mello, they’d be doing something inappropriate. Since that game, he has single-handedly proven that Lakers aren’t just Cupcakes, but can be a Rough-and-Tumble team when they need to be, making them a much more dangerous team in the West. By the way, he’s the first Laker to have at least 5 steals in 3 consecutive games since Magic Johnson did it in ’91. Sure he’s a bit of a Wack-a-doo, but in this system, Artest has actually been able to get comfortable in his role and act relatively normal.

Still holding onto hope for the best overall record, Los Angeles still leads the Dallas Mavericks in the West by 5 games, but trail the Cleveland Cavaliers by 2. Barring some unbelievable breakdown form the Cavs, there’s no way the Lakers will overcome the 2 game deficit. The Cavs play a majority of their remaining schedule at home and in the much, much weaker Eastern Conference. LA is practically on the road for the rest of the year. Only 7 home games in their last 22. But there’s really nothing to worry about if you’re a Laker fan. Only Phil Jackson and Greg Popovich really understand the importance of the regular season: besides making it into the post-season, there really isn’t any importance. The point being, the Lakers are holding out and as we’ve seen so many times before, can turn it on when they need to. After a hard fought loss in Miami last night, the Lakers are beginning to exemplify the attitude that defending champions should, that they’re going to fight until the end. And with the important help of Ron Artest, they’re doing it with much more defense than they have ever had before.

Goodbye Vancouver & Hello Hatchline

I officially welcome myself back after a long hiatus. I apologize for what must have seemed like an abrupt stop, especially in the middle of such great sports news. My explanation for my sudden disappearance is that I was on a Reality T.V. show called The Sing Off. If you missed it, here’s a link of my group in action. Around my last post, I signed a contract that required me to cease all publications throughout the duration of the show, defined as from the day I signed the contract to 60 days after the show’s last episode aired, which would have been the end of February. So Hatchline is officially back, and with that, let’s hit the most relevant topic, the Olympics.

I was saddened to realize that I’d miss the entire conclusion of all things Football and the entr’acte of the NBA; but more than anything I was mortified that I’d miss covering the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympic Games. As of yesterday, no more Downhill. No more Halfpipe. No more Speed Skating. No more Nordic Combined. No more hockey (wait, isn’t there an NHL?). And most importantly, no more curling. We (the USA for my international readers… are you out there?) end the medal race with nearly unprecedented 37 overall medals, but lose the gold race to Canadia and Germanica, who won 14 and 10 respectively. We only had a measly 9. I’m incredibly disappointed. Although if you think about it, Apollo Anton Ohno was DQed (would’ve been gold); Lindsey Vonn fell twice (2 golds); our near defeat of Canadia’s men’s Ice Hockey team almost means more to us then their “By the skin of their cocky ‘we own the podium’ teeth” gold means to them (1 more for us); and one of Canadia’s medals was in Ice Dancing (pointless. Minus 1 gold for the Maple Leaves), so in fact, we really tied. Yeah North America!

Seriously though, I love the Winter Olympic Games. I really do. But are these really the best ATHLETES in the world? Sure, I couldn’t do any of them, as well as they could, but can’t we all agree that practically every sport in the winter Olympics is 75% equipment/25% skill or talent? Note how I italicized practically. Not every event is, with the biggest exception being Hockey and Ice Skating (not Ice Dancing though, take the jumps out and it’s just pointless). I’ve got a buddy of mine who says “Gimme 6 weeks and I can medal in any Winter Sport.” While that may not really be true, how much talent do you need to hop in a cart and slide down an ice shute? I mean c’mon, some of the Nordic guys had beer bellies! One of the curlers from Finland or some other crazy cold European place was pregnant! PREGNANT!? And these are the best “Athletes” in the world? C’mon man!

Look, here’s my point in a nutshell, the Winter Olympics has an incredibly small competition base in comparison to the Summer Olympics. In every sport there are three things you need: Talent, Equipment, Money. No matter what sport it is, a large percentage of the competition is made up of rich people who have the $$$ to pay for snowboards, lift tickets, travel to and from the mountain, and a home in Aspen. Do you think 10-year-old Ussain Bolt needed to pay for anything like that growing up? Maybe a pair of shoes, but then he’d just go out and run. The BEST ATHLETES in the world are the ones that are pulled from a gigantic competition base. There is more competition in the game of Soccer (Futbol) than there is in practically any other sport, making the best in soccer some of the most athletic in the world. All you need is a ball and two Pepsi cans. In order to rise to the top of that sport, they’ve got to be the best out of hundreds of thousands of people, while the best speed skater only needs to be the best out of hundreds.

Let’s do an eyeball test, shall we? In my opinion, Figure Skating is arguably the most athletic competition in the Winter Olympics. It has the least equipment-to-skill/talent ratio of all the sports in the Winter Games, and plus, many of the men can do 4 full rotations in the air standing flat-footed. That’s pretty darn impressive right? Now lets take the top two American figure skaters, Evan Lysacek and Johnny Weir, and put them next to the top two American NBA/Olympic Gold Medalists athletes, Kobe Bryant and LeBron James. It’s a no brainer right? Not even close. And while I certainly don’t agree that I could have a 6 week head start and medal in any Winter Olympic sport, my buddies and I are trying to get the local ice rink to paint some curling circles on the ice. Hello Team USA 2014!



PS. The opening ceremonies were stupid.